


Okay

by hourtohourtohour



Category: BBC Ghosts, Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Coming Out, Flashbacks, Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, i just need my boy to be happy, i tried to tone down the angst, kinda happy ending, tw: mentions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-02-27 06:13:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hourtohourtohour/pseuds/hourtohourtohour
Summary: The ghosts discuss the topic of homosexuality and the Captain feels some feels





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allineedisaquill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allineedisaquill/gifts).



> i believe this is the 8th ghosts fanfiction! only 3 episodes are out but i already love this show so much and everyone else in this small but lovely fandom! i would like to thank @allineedisaquill for writing some amazing ghosts fanfiction and letting me borrow the character of Jack who has pretty much become canon for me, @my-dearest-albert on tumblr for talking to me about ghosts and being great, my friend ishani for letting me rant to her about ghosts in maths and to everyone else in this wonderful fandom who has created content, because it all makes me smile. enjoy!!

The ghosts are milling about in the living room; Robin is playing chess with himself, Thomas is sighing by the window, Pat is teaching Kitty ‘a sailor went to sea, sea, sea’, Mary is telling Fanny how to shear a sheep, and the Captain is telling Julian about the tactics he used in France in ‘40. Mike and Alison are sat on the sofa on their hand-held telephones (the Captain still isn’t quite sure how they operate).

“Oh, Dylan and Zach got engaged,” Alison says to Mike, apparently spotting something on her telephone. The Captain is only half listening so doesn’t stop talking to Julian until he realises everyone else has gone silent.

“But… isn’t that illegal? Two men getting married?” Kitty asks.

Suddenly the Captain feels the blood stop in his veins and his heartbeat starts hammering in his ears. He hopes that clasping his hands behind his back will stop them from shaking too visibly. Fears he hasn’t seen in years suddenly rear their head and the Captain tries his very hardest to control his breathing. 

“No, Kitty, it isn’t,” Alison says, “Homosexuality hasn’t been illegal for about fifty years or so. Though it should’ve been made legal ages before that.”

“But they’res alls goings to Hell!” Mary exclaims and Alison sighs.

“No Mary, being gay is completely fine. Dylan and Zach aren’t going to Hell and they aren’t breaking the law. It’s completely okay.”

Those words wash over the Captain like a tidal wave and suddenly he’s drowning in emotions. His hours in church as a boy, praying to make the feelings go away; the shame of being different, being wrong; the all-encompassing terror of being found out when he was with Jack; the pain of the broken bones when he was found out that cold, dark night in London. The suffocation of hiding who he is for a hundred years. It’s completely okay.

His knees feel weak but he knows that if he sits down, the attention will turn to him. When he finally turns his attention back to the conversation, Alison is explaining how homosexuality is accepted nowadays, with the help of Mike who seems to have caught wind of the conversation and is supporting Alison’s points.

“There’s nothing wrong about it, if people nowadays are accepting it, so should you.” Alison says.

“Yeah guys, love is love,” Mike chimes in. Kitty and Robin seem to like that phrase, as they start chanting it. The Captain feels a fraction of a smile threaten to spread across his face.

This fraction of a smile very quickly disappears as Fanny speaks. “There’s nothing acceptable about it. It’s wrong and disgusting and horrible!”

The Captain’s heart sinks. He knows that Fanny’s problem with homosexuality lies with her feelings and experiences with her husband George, rather than pure homophobia, but it still stings to see someone he regards as family to say such things. Lord knows he should be used to it by now.

The Captain can only watch as the argument goes back and forth between Alison and the more conservative ghosts but by the end, he feels like they are starting to thaw slightly. He goes to bed with what feels almost like hope in his heart for the first time since he died.

He should have known that the discussion of that topic would bring back the nightmares. He knows it’s a dream, but it all feels so real. He can feel the blows slamming into him and the icy bite of the cool London air. He can taste the blood from where his lip has split. He can hear Jack’s voice crying out his name. The Captain had thought he would die that night, his blood staining the pavement of the London alley he and Jack had thought they were safe from prying eyes in. 

He wakes suddenly and has to bite his tongue to stop himself from crying out Jack’s name. He has managed to suppress his feelings for over 70 years; why is it so hard all of a sudden? He has a reputation; he can't let his emotions get the better of him. So he does what he has always done: take a deep breath, and focus on the next battle to be fought.

★★★

When Alison had told him that his favourite tank television programme had been moved to a later slot he had been cross, to say the least. And when Alison suggested that it was because no one was watching it, he was outraged. Tanks are so important to warfare, and fascinating and beautiful and perfect. Tanks are better than people in so many ways. Except for Jack; he had been important and fascinating and beautiful and perfect too, and no matter how hard he tries, the Captain can't stop thinking about him. He sees Jack's eyes in the sunlight that streams through his window at dawn, he hears Jack's laugh in the wind, and he sees his freckles in the stars at night. The Captain has managed to push his feelings away for the best part of 70 years, and now they've hit him, they won't let him go. His longing to feel Jack's arms around him and Jack's kisses on his skin is an all encompassing ache which has him doubled over in pain and crying into his pillow. This pain is so much worse than the blood and broken bones. This is a pain that will last for eternity.

He tries to distract himself from it. At 10:30, he has Alison turn the on the television and tries to lose himself in the programme. At 11:30, when it finishes, he suddenly realises that Alison and Julian aren’t there to turn off the television. He debates whether to leave the television on or to go wake one of them up, but he doesn't want to face the wrath of Alison and has no idea what Julian does in his bedroom at night and has no desire to find out. He decides that leaving the television on is the option that will leave him with his physical and mental health intact.

He is about to go to bed the when the announcement of the next program catches his attention: Queer History: the Battle for Gay Rights. He stares, frozen at the television, while every instinct in his body screams for him to leave. He shouldn’t be watching this, it’s wrong, he can’t watch it; but he can’t bring himself to move either. So he sits, stuck, hands shaking, and watches the programme.

The ache for Jack only grows as he sees videos of happy couples dancing and kissing in the street and simply holding hands. If he concentrates hard enough, he can still feels Jack’s hand in his, their fingers entwined, and he can feel the giddy smile that appeared whenever he was with Jack grow on his face. Slowly, the ache is replaced by a feeling of happiness and hope, as he imagines what Jack would say if he were here. The couples on the screen become him and Jack: dancing, kissing, getting married. It’s only when someone turns the living room light on that he snaps back to reality.

“What are you watching?” Alison asks groggily.

“I…um… nothing! It just… I didn’t…” the Captain stutters as the fear from earlier returns and his hands begin to shake.

Alison squints at the television. “Is that a programme about gay rights?”

“No?”

“You were awfully quiet while we were talking about it today.”

“I didn’t… it came on after the tank programme, I couldn’t turn it off and-” The Captain stares at the floor.

“It’s ok, Captain. I’m not going to judge you. You are gay, aren’t you?”

The Captain just continues examining the floorboards.

“I know the others aren’t the most accepting at the moment, but they’ll come round. We have a lot of time.”

“How did you know?” he mumbles. Alison laughs. 

“You’re not the greatest at hiding it.” The Captain’s head whips up to stare at here, fear coursing through him.

“Do the others-”

“No, I don’t think the others know. Except maybe Julian, but he’s not really in any position to judge.” She pauses. “I can only imagine how hard it must have been, back then and ever since.” She pauses again. “Did you have a boyfriend?”

The Captain blushes at the sudden change in topic, but a smile creeps across his face as he thinks of Jack. “His name was Jack,” is all he says.  
Alison smiles. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it now, but I’m here if you ever need to. And we will get through with the others. I promise. Good night, Major General.”

He smiles at her as she leaves and keeps smiling as he gets into bed. It is only when he is about to fall asleep that he realises that he hasn’t smiled that much since the last time he saw Jack. He might be okay.


	2. I'll walk beside you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain decides to come out to the other ghosts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what ho fellow ghostians!!! i dedicate this chapter to the discord chat for being such legends. also to my friends on tumblr who i bugged about cap's preference in the fab 5. enjoy!

Alison has just sat down on the sofa with her book when the Captain appears behind her.

“Alison.”

“Oh my god, what did I say about sneaking up behind me? What do you want?”

The Captain clears his throat. “Ah, in the television programme the other day, the, you know,”

“The gay one?”

The Captain clears his throat again. “Something of the sort. Anyway, they seemed to mention ‘coming out’ a lot and I was wondering if you could tell me what it meant.”

“Oh, coming out? It means to tell a person or to other people that you are gay, or bi, or whatever you are.”

“I see.” He pauses. “Am I expected to come out to… everyone?”

“No no no, of course not! You come out to people you are comfortable with coming out to. This is generally friends and family but a lot of YouTubers...” The Captain frowns and mouths the words ‘YouTubers’ “... who are gay make coming out videos where they come out to the whole internet.” The Captain grimaces at such a daunting prospect.

“So what is the typical… procedure for these sorts of operations?” The Captain asks, straightening his shoulders.

“Oh it really varies from person to person. Some people come out to people individually, others to groups of people, and it can be in person, or on the phone, or through a text, or even a video! I had this one friend who came out to their parents by sending them a video of them holding up a biscuit that said ‘gay’, saying ‘you are what you eat’, and then eating the biscuit. It was hilarious.”

The Captain furrows his brow, slightly confused by the onslaught of information.

“So are you considering coming out to the other ghosts?” Alison asks.

The Captain sighs. “Do you think it would be advisable?”

“I mean, it’s completely up to you, but I think you should. It might cause a bit of a shock to some of them, but you’re stuck with each other for eternity; even if they don’t like it, they’re gonna have to get over it.” She notices the Captain’s slightly daunted expression. “Have you ever come out to anyone before?”

The corner of the Captain’s mouth quirks. “My sister,” he says.

Alison’s eyes widen. “Oh! Did it go well? I know society wasn’t very… accepting in those days.”

The Captain suppresses a smile as the memory comes back to him. He and his sister had always been ‘as thick as thieves’, as his mother had often said. When he finally came out to her, aged 19, sobbing into her shoulder, she had just stroked his hair like she had done all his life, and told him that she had somehow always known. The Captain remembers the relief that washed over him at her acceptance and the slight dissipation of the constant fear he carried round his neck like his dog tags. He can only hope that the other ghosts will be so accepting.

“Yes, it did go well.” 

He doesn’t say any more; by now Alison knows how little he will talk about his personal past. Not about his military past, though; she knows he’ll keep yammering on about that until the cows come home. Lord, she must have heard that Monty story at least six times.

“Before I do ‘come out’, would it be possible for you to try to, erm, increase the other ghosts’ tolerance about... matters like these? I know that Pat and Julian will probably be fine with it, and that Robin, Thomas and Kitty won’t think too much of it, but Mary and Fanny aren’t used to these sorts of things.”

Alison grins. “Oh yes. I have something up my sleeve,” and she departs before the Captain can say another word.

★★★

A couple of days later, the ghosts are settling down around the television. They have taken to watching when Alison and Mike watch television, though Julian and Pat have started putting in requests for films to watch. The Captain notices Alison grinning slightly inanely, and can’t help be slightly worried. What is about to happen?

Ignoring Julian, Pat and Mike’s requests to watch various things, Alison goes straight to Netflix and finds a television programme. The Captain’s breath catches when he sees that it is called ‘Queer Eye’. Surely ‘queer’ is an insult; why is there a television programme with the word in its name? He tries to ignore Fanny’s huff at the title and the colourful page, focusing instead on Kitty’s excited gasp at the rainbow colour scheme and Pat’s apprehensive smile. The Captain’s brow furrows slightly at the upbeat music that starts playing when Alison presses the button; it’s certainly not the type of programme that he’d normally watch, but he has to stick around to see what Alison is grinning about. He straightens his shoulders, clasps his hands behind his back, and watches the programme.

By the end of the first episode, the ghosts are a mess. Pat and Kitty are sobbing into each others’ shoulders, Julian has spent the last fifteen minutes trying to hide his tears, Robin, Mary and Thomas’ eyes are wet and glued to the television, and the Captain thinks he even saw Fanny wipe her eyes at one point. The Captain doesn’t think he has breathed since the first time he saw Karamo, even though there were a good five minutes where he couldn’t stop looking at Antoni’s face. Mike is in tears and Alison is looking very pleased with herself. The Captain would be half expecting her to start laughing maniacally if he weren’t so preoccupied with trying to remember how breathing works.

“Could we…erm, watch another one?” Pat asks, and Captain makes a mental note to promote that man, for the dashed good ideas he’s having. Alison gives the Captain a look that reeks of ‘I told you so’, before scrolling through the episodes and picking one. As the theme tune starts playing, the ghosts are collectively holding their breaths.

By the time AJ has finished coming out to his stepmother, the ghosts are wishing that one of them had died holding a packet of tissues. Or maybe ten. When Alison turns the television off at the end of the episode, all that can be heard is sniffling from various places in the room.

“Do they like it?” Mike asks, looking around the room, his eyes passing over the ghosts but not seeing them.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Alison says, grinning, before grabbing Mike’s arm and leaving the room. There is a silence after leaves, as everyone tries to regain their composure.

“Well that was lovely,” Pat finally says.

“Yeah, that Antoni was pretty tasty,” Julian says. “I’d like to try his guacamole, if you catch my drift.”

Groans ensue at Julian’s remark. 

“I like builder man,” Robin says, and there are murmurs of agreement.

“Which one was your favourite, Fanny?” Kitty asks.

“Well, I think it is wrong! All these blasted inverts-”

“We alls saws you cry, Fanny. We knows you enjoyed it,” Mary says, arms folded.

Fanny huffs. “Fine. I guess the clothing one was the least disagreeable. At least he was British, unlike those beastly Americans.”

“Well I liked Jonathan. Yass queen!” Kitty exclaims, her hands clasped together. “Who was your favourite, Captain?”

“Well, I, er, that is to say I… that Karamo man was… very, er, good at what he did.” He tries to keep his eyes facing straight ahead and his arms clasped behind his back, but he can feel Julian giving him a side eye.

“Yes, he was rather,” says Kitty obliviously, and the Captain thanks his lucky stars while she launches into another rant about her newest obsession.

★★★

Settling into bed, the Captain reflects on his plan to ‘come out’ to the other ghosts. They had had good reactions to the gay men in the television programme, for the most part. He suspected that Fanny would still show some opposition if he announced his sexuality, but the prospect was a little less daunting than before. However, the mere thought of opening up to his whole world made his hands tremble and his heart beat in a way it hadn’t since he last heard the sounds of gunshots and shells. He will just have to do what he did then; grit his teeth, straighten his shoulders and face it. He just hopes that there will be less casualties this time.

★★★

Over the next few days, there are several points at which he considers coming out. Moments when the room is quiet, moments when Kitty and Pat are once again discussing Queer Eye, moments when Fanny seems slightly less stern than usual. But every time he clears his throat and tries to begin, his insides turn to stone and he freezes, and can do nothing but stutter until the attention is drawn somewhere else.

It’s half way through food club, where Pat is telling everyone how to make s’mores, when he hears the melody. It is a melody that he hasn’t heard in years, but he recognises it instantly. He finds himself mouthing the words as he hears the song playing on Alison’s radio in another room. The words come back to him instantly with the memories.

“l’ll walk beside you through the world today  
While dreams and songs and flowers bless your way  
I'll look into your eyes and hold your hand  
I'll walk beside you through the golden land”

He can hear Jack’s voice singing it sweetly and feel the sunshine warm on his face.

“I'll walk beside you through the world tonight  
Beneath the starry skies ablaze with light  
Within your soul love's tender words I'll hide  
I'll walk beside you through the eventide”

He can feel Jack’s head resting on his shoulder and their hands clasped as they sway to the song.

“I'll walk beside you through the passing years  
Through days of cloud and sunshine, joys and tears  
And when the great call comes, the sunset gleams  
I'll walk beside you to the land of dreams”  
He can feel Jack’s lips on his once the song has finished and can see Jack smiling up at him, his brown eyes filled with sunlight.

A sense of calm passes over the Captain and he can feel his fears lessen just as Pat finishes his talk.

“And then, you put the marshmallow between the biscuits and there you go! You have a s’more! Now, does anyone have anything else to say?”

The Captain takes a deep breath. “I do, actually.”

He stands up and turns to face the ghosts and the sense of calm is still wrapped around him like Jack’s arms.

“I have an announcement. After pondering the issue for a while, I would like you all to know that I,” he clears his throat, “am gay.”

He registers the surprised expressions of some of the ghosts’ faces. He doesn’t look at Fanny.

“I know that most of you come from times where that wasn’t accepted, as do I, but in light of the changes to the laws in this country regarding homosexuality, I felt that I should tell you all. I hope you will not see me too differently after I have told you this. Thank you.”

He clasps his hands behind his back and straightens his posture, and awaits a response from the ghosts.

Pat is the first to break the silence. “Well, thank you very much for telling us that, Captain; I know how hard it can be to open up. I think I speak for us all when I say we support you!”

“Love is love!” Kitty exclaims.

“Yeah, love is love!” Robin agrees.

“Well I was never as straight as a ruler myself,” Julian chimes in. “I had this one encounter with these two guys and a milking stool-” The ghosts collectively groan at Julian’s remark, and the Captain turns around to see Fanny leaving the room. His heart sinks a little, but he tries to focus more on the positive replies from the others.

“Well, er, thank you. Dismissed.” He strides over to the window and takes a moment to compose himself. In the background, he can hear Mary and Kitty talking.

“But isn’t hes goings to Hell?” Mary asks.

“No, Mary. Like the men in that television programme - Queer Eye. They were talking about how ‘God is love!”  
“So he’s nots goings to Hell then?”

“No, Mary.”

“Well, that’s okays then.”

The Captain feels the corner of his mouth quirk. Maybe if Mary can accept his sexuality there is some hope for Fanny after all.

★★★

The next time he sees Fanny, she’s standing in his bedroom, looking out the window she falls out of every day in her sleep.

“Fanny,” he greets her.

She doesn’t turn around. “I wasn’t actually going to tell anyone. When I found George and... the other men. I loved him. But he didn’t trust me. So he murdered me.” She sniffs.

The Captain takes a deep breath. “I am sorry Fanny, but you cannot hold that against me. I know George was your husband but we are your family now. We’re stuck with each other, and you shouldn’t be holding a grudge against me for your husband’s actions.”

“I know, I know. It’s just hard to separate the two sometimes. I can’t promise that I will always react positively... but I will try. For you, my boy, I will try.”

She has turned around and faces him. To most others, it would look as if Fanny were merely staring at him, but he recognises the hint of a smile on her face. Fanny’s cold and orderly nature has always comforted him; it reminds him a little of his aunt and her military-like ways. He and Fanny have always shared an eye roll over the more excitable ghosts’ antics and have supported each other in stopping the more dramatic of these antics. To hear her says these words eases the anxiety in his chest. He gives her a nod of thanks, before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

★★★

“So,” Julian says, sliding onto the sofa beside the Captain. “When you were alive, I presume you had a lover?”

The Captain doesn’t like where this is going. “Yes?”

“Did you ever try the-”

“Nope.” The Captain stands up and walks away as fast as his composure will allow him. He starts to regret coming out to all of the ghosts, but his mind turns to Jack. He would be proud of me, he thinks. The Captain smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song cap hears is 'i'll walk beside you' by John McCormack, so thank you to the discord for giving me that recommendation. i hope you enjoyed the second chapter of my fic! i don't know if i will write any more for this story (idk where it would go from here), but i will definitely write more for this amazing show! stay tuned ~ell  
> edit: ALSO i forgot to mention that the bit about the biscuit and the coming out is actually me! it was so cringey omg


	3. Buttercup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Captain can’t remember much about his childhood; it has become a blur of apple pies, bruises and the brightly coloured football he was given for his sixth birthday. However, most of what he can remember is about his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what ho fellow ghostians! as you all know, the final episode airs tonight so i wanted to publish this before that happened. this is a spin-off to the other 2 chapters requested by @SecretLyfe so thank you for giving me this lovely idea! cap seems a little ooc, but i hope you will excuse this as it is set in his youth and i think he definitely changed a lot in the army. i hope you enjoy!

The Captain’s first memory is of a storm. He must have been about three years old. Every time the lightning strikes or the thunder rumbles, he screws his eyes shut and tries not to cry. The next time he hears the thunder, it is directly above him and he cries out before he can cover his mouth with his trembling hands. Then, he hears his bedroom door open and footsteps come towards him. He is about to open his eyes and see who it is, but he sees the bright flash of lightning through his closed eyes and buries his face in the pillow. He feels warm arms wrap around him and he buries his face in his sister’s shoulder and cries. He can hear her sing a lullaby as she gently strokes his hair.

The Captain can’t remember much about his childhood; it has become a blur of apple pies, bruises and the brightly coloured football he was given for his sixth birthday. However, most of what he can remember is about his sister. Lucy was three years older than him and for all his life, she was his best friend. Though their mother was caring, she had a lot on her hands after their father didn’t return from the Great War, so Lucy was always the one to play with him, pick him up from where the boys down the road had pushed him onto the ground, and comfort him when he cried. The Captain had cried a lot as a child; he had been smaller, skinnier and weaker than the other boys and this meant that they were fond of pushing, shoving, punching and kicking him. Looking back, perhaps that was why he had joined the army as soon as he left school; the prospect of being able to defend himself was too good to miss. Of course, he had grown by them and was now equal in stature to the other boys, but the memories of being small and vulnerable still scared him.

Lucy never blamed him for his inability to defend himself, she just helped him up, held his hand and walked him home, and cleaned his cuts. She would allow him to choose what they were going to play, which was always armies. They would run around the garden, hiding behind bushes and pretending to shoot at each other, or pretend to be military leaders deciding on tactics, and sing the major general song they Had sung so many times that their mother had bought the record for them. They would put it in the gramophone and dance around the living room singing it as loudly as they could and miming the actions. Through their mother got sick of it the tenth time they played it, they would listen to it on repeat countless times and never grow bored of it.

It was only a few years after this when the Captain began to feel the fluttering in his stomach. The Captain had no idea what was happening to him. For weeks he studied the feeling and concluded that it only happened around other boys, particularly Sammy, a boy in his class who played football and had a wide smile. Whenever he was around Sammy, he would feel happy and anxious at the same time and the Captain didn’t know what to do with his feelings. So he decided to take the only logical option: ask Lucy about it.

He was walking home from school when he heard raised voices.  
“You shouldn’t be reading that book!”  
“Why not? I like it!”  
“Because he wrote it!”

Suddenly, the book in question came flying out of the window of the house to his left and landed directly in front of his feet. He only managed to catch a glimpse of the cover before a young woman came running outside to grab it, and it only furthered his curiosity. He tried the syllables on his tongue as he continued to walk home. ‘Oscar Wilde: The Importance of Being Earnest’.

“Mother, who is Oscar Wilde?” the Captain asked. Lucy was at the library, so he asked his mother the question that had been bothering him since he had seen the book.  
“Oscar Wilde is an author,” she said slowly. The Captain was unsatisfied with this answer.  
“Is there anything,” he paused as he searched for a word, “wrong with him?”  
His mother turned around to look at him from where she was peeling potatoes at the sink. “Darling, he’s an invert. He was arrested for it about twenty-five years ago.”  
He frowned. “What’s an invert?”  
“A man who loves other men like he should love a woman. It’s sinful, and illegal.”

The Captain froze as his curiosity turned to dread. He quickly excused himself, before running up the stairs to his room ad leaning heavily against the wall. His feelings were sinful, he was sinful. As he slowly slid down to the floor, the Captain understood that he could never tell anyone about those feelings, not even Lucy.

However, this secret became harder and harder to keep as the years went on. Lucy could hear him crying at night and would come to comfort him as she had always done. As she stroked his hair and sung that same lullaby, he would cry into her shoulder and she would wait for him to tell him what was upsetting him. But he couldn’t tell her, and she never pressed him too, instead telling jokes and stories about their teachers and neighbours until his crying ceased. He never told her this, but without her, he doubted that he would have got through his teenage years.

While he did not regret joining the army, when he was finally sent abroad on his first operation, saying goodbye to Lucy was hard. By then, she had moved to London, away from the little village in Surrey where they’d grown up. They wrote to each other regularly and saw each other every few weeks, but when abroad the Captain wouldn’t be able to see her for months. He didn’t cry when they said their goodbyes, only later in his bunk, when he was finally sure that no one else would be around to see his tears.

He still suffered from the feelings, no matter how hard he had tried to make them go away, but he had learnt to control his emotions and wandering eyes. Well, almost. In the army, plenty of men still caught his eye but the thought of what would happen to him if anyone found out often caused him to quickly look away.

It was on a clear night in London that he finally told Lucy. He had two weeks of leave from the army and he and Lucy were walking back to their apartment after having dined in a bar about half a mile away. Suddenly, people started shouting on the other side of the street. From where they were stood, the could make out a several of police officers storming into what looked like a bar like every other on the street. Some men rushed out and tried to run away down the street but were tackled to the ground by the police officers. At seeing this, the Captain and Lucy rushed across the road to see what was going on. When Lucy saw the police officers attacking the men that were trying to escape, she cried “What on earth do you think you’re doing?”  
“Stay away ma’am,” one of the police officers replied, “This doesn’t concern you. This is an invert club, we’re arresting them.”

On the battlefield, the Captain had experienced fear, but this fear had helped him fight, it had fuelled him and carried him into battle. The fear he experienced in that moment on the street was different. It grasped his limbs and held them tight in an iron embrace, while his heart pounded in his ears. He knew that what he was like was wrong, that people didn’t approve and he could be arrested for it, but to see police officers so violently attacking men like him? The Captain had never been more scared. He tried to breathe but his body wouldn’t listen. He managed to grasp onto Lucy’s arm.

The Captain can’t remember much of the walk home, only Lucy’s tight grasp on his arm while tears streamed down his face. Lucy didn’t say a word until they got back to her apartment, where she wrapped her arms around him and let him cry into her shoulder. As she stroked his hair, she waited for him to tell her what the matter was, and this time he told her.

“Lucy, I-I’m an invert,” he sobbed. “I’m like those men. I-I’m scared that that will h-happen to me.”  
“I know, buttercup” she replied, “I know.”  
He looked at her. “You know?”  
“Buttercup, I think that somehow I’ve always known. All those nights you spent crying; I know, and it’s okay. You’re okay.”  
At this, the Captain just sobbed harder into her shoulder and though the fear was still there, he felt a weight lifted off his shoulders.

Looking back, the Captain does not regret coming out to Lucy, as he has since learned it is called. In fact, he wishes that he had done so a lot earlier, as perhaps it would have spared him a little of the pain of carrying his secret around with no one to talk to. In time, the Captain would introduce Lucy to Jack, her being the only one who knew of their relationship. The memories of the three of them spending those glorious summer days in Brighton still make a smile cross his usually stern face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading - i hope you all enjoyed that! i like to think that lucy would have been involved or at least associated with the Bloomsbury Group, which may explain her acceptance for cap's sexuality. the term 'invert' was a term for homosexuality from the early 20th century. it references 'sexual inversion', a belief that homosexual men were actually women in men's bodies, making their relationship closer to heterosexuality. again, i hope you all enjoyed it! if there is anything you would like me to write, please drop me a line, either here or on tumblr at @ell-pull. toodle pip!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i'm gonna try to write some more for this amazing show so keep your eyes peeled! for now, toodle pip! ~ ell


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